A quick extract or two (four);
Perhaps requiring the least mental gymnastics is the "Omphalos hypothesis". . .
The first real philosophical show stopper is metaphysical solipsism. . .
. . .final state of infinite information the Omega point.
In fact, insofar as none of these scenarios is verifiable, they fall outside the realm of science and bring no additional explanatory power. So, you don't really have any excuses for dismissing evolution! Wise up and smell the cladogenesis!